A Fathers Day Message

It’s difficult not to think of all of the young males, especially the young Black males who have little or no relationship with their fathers. No one they can call, no one to whom they can send a card, or who they visit with a smile and a hug to say “Happy Fathers Day dad!” My personal pain goes even deeper when I think of all of the young Black males who will grow up feeling abandoned by their fathers, whether their fathers are living or deceased. My empathy and compassion are deep enough to feel for all of the boys who are missing a father in their lives. But, for young Black males, who are already disenfranchised from the greater society at birth, their loss seems to be the greatest of all. Any young male can relate to the sense of loss of the young Black male who grows up without a father although there are differences both in degree and kind of pain.

The word father can denote the inherent relationship between a man and his natural child or children (male or female). In a broader and more significant sense, father refers to a man who assumes continuous care and protection of a child or children, whether the relationship is based on birth, adoption, or foster care. As the Mysterious Dr. M. points out in the Handbook On Being Human, each child comes into this world as pure potential, driven by an innate Destiny Mandate yet malleable and ready to be shaped by their environment. What a father’s love, caring, and protect brings to the environment of the child, especially the young male is irreplaceable. Let the voices of fatherless boys tell you about the silence in their heads as they ask questions for which there are no answers, not even a voice trying to answer. Let them tell you about the blank spots in the mirror where nothing is reflected back to them about why they are the way that they are, “is that a trait of my father’s?” Let their broken voices tell you of their struggle to achieve the most confusing and impossible thing, manhood, without anyone to guide them, without a father to show them the way. It is their voices, speaking to the emptiness in their souls, that reveals the importance of celebrating and honoring fatherhood on this Fathers Day, 2011.

The proverb, like father, like son is of no small importance in understanding the role and responsibility of the father and his affect on his son(s). We come into the world as pure potential and someone meets us here, and they begin the process of our becoming, Dr. M. states in the Handbook. The father begins the process of the son’s becoming. The natural relationship between the father and his son is that in the beginning the son(s) is in the process of becoming the father. The father is his role model for being in the world. When that role model is missing the child is subject to falter in his process of co-creation of the self. The father and the son co-create the son’s foundational personality together. In the absence of the father the foundational personality structure is full of cracks resulting from the son’s attempts at figuring everything out on his own, and from not having someone in whom he has unwavering trust.

Every father who has embraced the responsibility of their role as father with pride, joy, and commitment is an example to those who have not. And for those fathers who have somehow fallen short in honoring that role, it is never too late to seal whatever cracks can be sealed. The presence of a father’s love is intended by our nature to be guaranteed. If it breaks down, it can and should be repaired and may have to be replaced. But it should always be present in some form. Hence the African proverb, it takes a community to raise a child. It is also said that, a father can raise a son but only the community can raise a man. As important as these things are, we should not let education, work, careers, friends, hobbies, emergencies, must-dos and the host of other reasons, excuses, and priorities get in the way of being good fathers. Not to mention drugs, women, and a bad disposition about life. The role of father is too important.

The Prime Directive of the Human Family as outlined in the Handbook is a guide to successful fathering. When viewed from the perspective of fatherhood, the Prime Directive provides a guideline for the relationship between the father and his son(s). As a father, seek pleasure and avoid pain for yourself and your sons and teach them to do the same. Convert negative energy into positive energy through your conduct in the world and with your sons and teach them to do the same. Nurture life and struggle against death for the welfare of the planet and your family, and teach your sons to do the same. Teach your sons how to live in and how to Create Peaceful Space!

Sometimes the challenge of all that responsibility can be overwhelming, frightening. But being a good father is in your nature. Don’t run from it! Embrace it! Don’t rush to become a father but once you are a father rush to answer its call and fulfill its responsibilities! And whether your father is dead or alive, if you have been blessed to be close to your father, to have a nurturing and loving relationship with him, let this be the day that you celebrate and be thankful for your that relationship with your father. And if like Dr. M., myself, and so many others you live with the scares of a breach in the father-son bond, then let this be a day to through off your burden of anger, resentment, regret, sadness, loss, and abandonment and say to your father, face-to-face or in their absence, from your heart, Happy Fathers Day, dad!

To all of the men out there striving to be the best fathers they can be, Kudos!

Happy Fathers Day!

Living in alignment with the Prime Directive

is a choice to which everyone should be invited!
You have been invited!

Create Peaceful Space! 
Trust Your Process!

Peace, Love, and Health!

Preview The Handbook On Being Human, vol. I